Day 3: ‘Do not worry! This is Africa!’ (Gaz and David)

The journey from Kenya to Tanzania was a well anticipated one and for all the wrong reasons. 8 hours of African bus, which clearly meant a small confined area where legs were usually wrapped around one’s neck. We boarded the bus to find 10 seats and our instant reaction was ‘we aren’t going to fit’. How wrong we were- 4 fold up chairs were ready.

Thinking they were clever, the 4 tallest boys ran for the back seats not realising chairs folded down in front of them. My knees were located around my ears for the best part of 2 hours and Bradley sat on my feet. The constant moan of “I have no knee cartilage” was becoming a dreary murmur. Not only the bad seats however- the most annoying self centred laborious girl we have ever met in our lives. We named her ‘The Sign Reader’ as this is where most of her knowledge came from.

Girl: “My boyfriend is Kenyan”

The coach, Amber just out of shot

Rob:”I bet he doesn’t speak English”

Safe to say the thought of stabbing her was a prominent thought, however her falling asleep saved us all. After the pit stop at the food station, we switched seats to mine and Bradley’s advantage. I got the extra leg room and the enlightening conversation of Mrs. Sparks and Bradley sneakily positioned himself next to ‘the hot girl’ Amber. We arrived at the border and after some dubious queues and a sneak peak of No Man’s Land, where we debated what nationality someone born there would be, we were in Tanzania.

Dan Martin was approached by a 92 year old Masai warrior with a child and Dan offered them a custard cream which they replied ‘I want money not a bloody biscuit.’*

We were back on the road again and Bradley was back on the pull with Amber. He enquired about every aspect of her life and quite cleverly got onto the topic of psychology where he continued to creep on her. However he failed and only came out with a first name, so no chance of any facebook stalking. Although she did say if he ever gets injured she would perform on him. No pun intended I hope. I did offer to throw a rock at his skull purely for Bradley’s benefit.

We departed the vehicle and we were astonished to find nuns had commandeered our house.

EASTENDERS MUSIC

*we’re guessing anyway

-Gaz

‘Commandeered’ might not be the word for it, but when we arrived at where we were supposed to be staying, it had been taken over by nuns. Luckily Father Innocent, the Holy Sprit priest Andrew has been in contact with planning the trip, was on hand to point us in the right direction to where we were actually staying.

The best I could get of the stars so far

‘It is a four storey hotel!’ he said. ‘Okay, it is a four storey hotel under construction’ he added. ‘Okay, it is a four storey hotel with only the first floor finished. And when I say finished, I mean finished in African terms.’ When we arrived we found that by ‘hotel’ he had actually meant ‘building site’, complete with builders, building equipment and dust everywhere, but nearly everyone has their own (nearly finished) en suite room with (mostly working) plug sockets, which is a big upgrade from what we were expecting and what the nuns were now enjoying. Father Innocent made us feel welcome by driving the van we were in directly into an open grave shaped ditch in the front yard.

 ‘Do not worry!’ he smiled, ‘It is Africa!’

Father Innocent (or Guilty as he’s known after the ditch incident) kindly took us out to a nearby food court to eat. ‘It’s chicken’, said Kevin, ‘but not as we know it.’ Kie attracted a local stray cat and they seemed to form a bond, but I think the cat was only in it for the chicken. ‘The cat probably has more meat on it than the chicken’ said Brother Kevin. Gareth eyed up the cat longingly. He’s not coping well with meat withdrawal.

Just as we’d finished eating the power went dead pitching us all into total darkness. We had our torches, so this wasn’t a problem, and all of a sudden we could see all the stars. I’d been told earlier to expect the night sky to be amazing in Africa, but seeing it for myself was something different entirely.

Back home we played many games of Blackjack until (again) the power went out. We couldn’t get the generator working until the appropriately named Samson came and used his super strength to reboot it. Its hum is a little annoying trying to get to sleep, but after a gruelling day smashing down a bumpy road in a van I dropped off instantly.

-David